but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
