It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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