Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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