Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
