I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
