Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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