They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
