Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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