Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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