I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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