I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
