I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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