I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
