Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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