exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
