honey bunches of taint.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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