I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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