once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
