Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
