I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
