HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
