I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
