I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
