so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
