Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
