Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
