I wanna bring you to show and tell
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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