Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
