when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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