I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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