i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
