great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
