i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
