The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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