Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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