how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
