Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
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these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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