Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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