Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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