I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
