Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
