just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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