I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
