4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
