I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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