Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
