I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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