census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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