did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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