Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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