I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
