can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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