she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize