Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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