Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
