I just pynch a tree in the face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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