nut hugger
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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