Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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