I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
