Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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