Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
