Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
