i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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