Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
