I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
