The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
