Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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