hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize