i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
