I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
