Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
