Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
