He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
