I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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