i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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