i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
