We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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