Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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