So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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