She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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