if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
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i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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