you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
