What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
