Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
