i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
