end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
