my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
