I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My feet surprised me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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