I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
