I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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