I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
