You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
